I’m not ashamed to admit my infatuation with you, Jamal Jackson, and your unwavering presence around me. As days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, and months become years, all I think about is my lips against yours and my body against yours as we explore the world and work of our body’s chemistry. Could this infatuation become a reality with a twist and twirl of fate and perfect timing? I asked myself with little desire to know the answer. How he would feel inside me is all I’ve pictured with an intense desire to find out. Would it be how I’ve imagined the outcome, or a waste of our lips and bodies together?
Only time will tell, as I know the universe sometimes gives us what we ask for. Would I wake up from this infatuation and move on to the next new thing? I wouldn’t know as of yet but knowing that I’m a moving train and ready to move in search of a new adventure is what I fear the most. You in me and me in you with our bodies and lips together is the only picture I see for now.
Not knowing where this road would take me is the main reason I’m interested in exploring you, my most desired Jamal Jackson. Would it lead off the bridge or to walking down the aisle? That image I’m yet to see. “You are a woman, and an African woman for that matter, and such behavior is forbidden,” they said. “And?” I asked with a shocking look on their faces. “Calm down, I’m only infatuated, not going on a suicidal mission or double homicide,” I replied, as I looked at Jamal’s smiling face on the right and my concerned community’s faces on the left. Allow me to explore my inner world, I pleaded as I sat inside the closet, daydreaming in my own world of infatuation and fairytales.